Cleaners...

Cleaners start at the bottom...

Bush Confidence...

I think all girls need a little Bush Confidence.

and I'm not talking about George W...

Grow The Fuck Up...

I just wanna say to my Hubby...

Grow The Fuck Up!

My Motto For The Day...

Give credit when credits due

Stop...

Stop taking your shit out on Me

Doesn't Make You Right...

Putting me down doesn't make you right.

Say What???

Dicely fine one onion.

Fireworks...

I doubt that fireworks have the same effect in the Middle East.

Pretty Please...

Can somebody else buy all my kids' Christmas presents this year?

Good Fucking Question...

If drugs are so bad for you then why do they feel so fucking good?

Go Figure...

I'm a god damn Virgo and I live in a pig-sty.

Better On Paper...

I look...better on paper.

The Big Question...

Who did the dinosaurs pray to?

You Love Bum Sex...

Things Not to write on the shower wall with foam alphabet letters- especially if your hubby isn't planning on showering that night- but your teenage son is...

You Love Bum Sex.

At least he saw the funny side of it...

Tell Me Why...

Tell me Why I don't like Mondays being played on a Thursday?

Cum Ova...

Cum Ova.

That's how the trouble begins...

Things Not To Say To Butchers # 292...

I'll have a piece of your best gib.

Cos I like it.

Simple Creature...

I'm a simpler creature than you.

Don't try to fix me.

You're the one who's broken...

Get Over It...

The truth is that I cut it.

And you don't.

So get over it.

Get It???

Does fungus get it?

Excuses Excuses...

Don't use me as your excuse.

I don't use you for mine.

Shinjuries...

Shinjuries...injuries sustained to the shins

Hormotional

Hormotional...an emotional condition brought on by one's one hormones

Scared Cake...

We were at the Park...

Me: There's lot of birds around here, huh?

My Little Son: Don't say that to my cake- you'll make it scared.

Not Dead Yet...

I've been dying now for 11060 days.

Dennis The Penis...

Dennis the Penis.

Who says I don't rhyme?

What Gets Me Off...

It gets me off getting you off.

No No No...

I haven't said No to anybody today.

No wonder I feel like I've been fucked up the arse twice.

No Choice...

You shouldn't feel like you've got any other choice but to be here either.

Mistake...

Don't ever mistake that you are safe.

The First Five Years...

Having children doesn't ruin your Life.

It just feels that way for the first five years.

You Fuck My Body...

You fuck my body

Then ignore my mind...

Birthday Pallindrome...

06/09/06

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Happy 200th Post for News Flash!!

Crocodile Tears...

Steve Irwin- The Crocodile Hunter- died this morning near Cairns, Australia- from the result of a stingray barb directly to the lung.

Thoughts are with Terri, Bindi and baby Bob.

He was a fair dinkum Aussie and he will be sadly and fondly missed.

The Difference Between Me And You...

The difference between you and me is that I care about how you feel.

If Housework Is Nothing...

If housework is Nothing then lets see how long for that Nothing gets done.

Get A Life...

Don't tell me to Get a Life and then deny me having one.

The Barber Shop Blues...

I haven't been to the hairdresser's in fifteen years.

And even then it was a Barber Shop.

For Free...

You can laugh at my expense...

For Free.

Height Of Rudeness...

Being put on hold by a Telemarketer is...

The Height of Rudeness.

Sadly None...

Over Winter I've put on five kilos...

Sadly None of it's gone to my tits.

All The Words...

Someone should have copy-written the Alphabet.

I wish it were Me, Genie.

Then I could own all the words.

The Last Thing...

The Last thing I want to feel is what you do.

Key Words...

Aren't anymore baby beds
Barbecue Best
Better...

Big Bitch blog
Boy buffoon
Car
Change days...

Down drinking Drunk
Face Fact
Father five...

Fuck Fucking
Get good Guess
Happy Hard
Hate Head...

Help home
Hope horse
Horses house...

Love lover
Mean Mental
Money Morning...

Mother
Night old
One People...

Point
Pretty pub
Reason Remember...

Right Road
Sun
School suxs Shit...

Sister
Six small
Son...

Stop Story
Think Thirty
Thought three...

Time together
True
Two...

Undiagnosed
Wish Word
Work World...

Write
Wrong Years
Me Myself Eye...

god...

god has a lot to answer for...

August Eighteenth...

Today is...

The day I gave birth day.

War...

War.

Terrorism inflicted by politicians.

Clever Boy...

My Hubby's just discovered something new.

Heterosexual gay sex.

Watch out, Arse.

Wake Me Up...

Wake me up...

When September begins.

Hot Air...

Hot air doesn't rise.

It seeps out from underneath the doona...

Once...

I can do anything...

Once.

My Advice...

Fuck...Like you're being filmed.

Deep Fred Pork Plums...

We ordered Chinese.

Hubby wrote down the order.

I asked for Deep Fried Plum Pork.

He wrote Deep Fred Pork Plums.

Fuck I laughed...

Because I Do...

You don't have to like me Hubby.

Because I do.

Illogical Thinking...

It hurts to breathe.

I'll have a smoke.

Multi Tasking...

Apparently only women can do it.

Much like childbirth.

Finally...

I'm becoming Myself

Typical Twink...

Typical old Twinkle Toes.

Causes a stir then pisses off.

Bad Poetry...

I couldn't see the forest

'cos the trees were in my way

And it wasn't 'til I nearly left

That I knew that I would stay.

For Fork's Sake...

The cutlery drawer is stuck shut...

I have people coming for dinner...

A fork! A fork! My kitchen for a fork!

Why Why Why...

Why don't relatives eat and run?

How Long For..?

Indefinitely. Probably.

A Piece Of Piss...

Giving up smoking is a piece of piss.

For the first twenty minutes...

Me Myself Eye...

For those of you who don't know-

My other(bigger better badder) blog can be found at rnbuffoon.blogspot.com

My Day So Far...

I've made the beds and I'm fucking bored.

Phone-a-phobe...

My Hubby is a Phone-a-phobe.

He won't even ring for pizza.

Whoops...

I spat on the ground...

And the dog ate my Pleurisy.

Useless Fact #793...

I'm wearing a too-small jumper that used to belong to my Eldest Son.

Apparently I'm the same size as a twelve-year-old boy.

If I Should Die...

If I should die before I wake...

at least I'll be asleep and will never know.

Tastes like shit...

If it tastes like shit...don't eat it.

Egg...

How pathetic would you feel if you got caught shop-lifting an egg?

Big Brother...

Don't judge Big Brother contestants.

For some of them this is probably the first group of friends they've ever had.

Working-Life Of A House-Wife...

In my entire adult life I have only worked for two weeks and ten days.

My New Nick-Name...

The Pantless Face-Planter.

The wall hurts.

As If...

As if Gerald McBoing-Boing would have any friends...

Now We Know...

Being personable gets you nowhere.

Truth Be Told...

I'd rather not have my fifteen minutes of fame.

Jumping The Gun...

I'm always jumping the gun.

Makes me sorta glad that I'm not a man...

How Happy Can You Get...

I was so happy and excited that I think I ovulated.

It's A Small World...

Hello to Utah. Sydney. Thornleigh. Brisbane. Armadale. Dublin. Beaver Dam-Wisconsin. Madrid.

Conneticut. Nova Scotia. Kyt-West Finland. Chutung-Taiwan. Auckland.

You All just made the World a little smaller.

Open Letter To Strangers...

To All The Stranger's in the World...

I promise to never seek you out if you promise to do the same for me.

I would Never stalk a Stranger.

Mother Nature Vs god...

Mother Nature shits all over god.

Today's The Day...

Today's the Day...

That I looked in the mirror and thought out loud

"You're okay".

That's never happened before.

Friday...

Thank god it's Friday tommorow...

I love mopping day.

You Said Yes...

I asked you if you still loved me.

You said Yes....

But I don't believe you anymore.

Housework...

Housework.

The pay is shit- but somebody has to do it.

Okay I'm A Bitch...

I might be a bitch but at least I'm not a push-over.

Nobody...

Who can work out the minds of so-called men?

Who Came First...

Who came first?

The chicken or the rooster?

Why Ask Why...

Who cares why men do anything?

Cyber-Freak...

We don't know each other.

I could just be some sort of cyber-freak like you.

I Am A...

Monogomous Slut.

Band Wagon...

Stop trying to jump on my band wagon.

Freaks...

Some people don't like beetroot.

Freaks.

Selfishness...

The cost of being emotionally detached is selfishness.

An Orgasm A Day...

An orgasm a day keeps depression away.

So...kiss me everynight.

Make love to me everyday.

And that will be enough.

As Funny As...

You're about as funny as a horse holding a fishing rod.

Walking Into A Door...

How did I break my tail-bone?

Walking into a door.

Self-Absorption...

Self-absorption leads to the neglect of everybody around you.

I neglect everyone but me.

There's no lunch for pre-school in the morning.

The Truth Is...

You were in a cunt of a mood before we even left the house.

Weren't ya?