Thursday, March 30, 2006

Tonight He...

Tonight he came home and pretended that someone had it worse than Me.

They don't.

No Need To Panic...

I was drawing tombstones long before I was a Narcissist.

Not Madonna...

I'd rather do It with Steffani...

Me Me Me...

I'm a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Not Allowed...

I'm not allowed to get cancer.

My Hubby would never support that.

My Plan...

My Mother told me to 'get a plan'.

How about I give her custody of the kids and become a homeless person?

That would solve the problem.

I could just disappear...

If Only...

I would find it funnier...if I had a sense a humour.

Isn't It...?

Just being nice to me is an effort for you.

Isn't it?

How Fucking Dare I...?

You started it Prick.

You were the one who rang up in the middle of ordering a meal with my Parents and Sister's.

I know. I shouldn't have been out.

How fucking dare I.

Monday, March 27, 2006

I'm...

I'm as tarp as a shack.

Affirmation...

I am All of That...

And More.

Why Not Me The Same...?

How come Gemnastic's blog is so popular and mine's not?

All she's doing is writing about her Life and she's well-known for it.

Why not me the same?

I Am The Bird Whistler...

You've heard of the Horse Whisperer right?

Well; I am the Bird Whistler.

For Want Of A Euphemism...

I was battered-savved last night.

Form your own conclusions.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Car-pooling...

Do the Wiggle's really need to car-pool?

Still?

Murray must get sick of those bums hitching a lift in the Big Red Car everywhere they go.

I hope they throw in for fuel.

Dinner Dilemna...

I asked Twink over for dinner and he didn't show.

Flagrant dinner deserter.

I Do...

Thoughts are fleeting
Time is streeting
A head is better than none.
Take a pill and feel the thrill
Then forget the damage that's done.
Carnage. Wastage. Garbage. Rubbish-there
Ain't no word that rhymes with rubbish.
Not unless you'll count in rubber-ish
Rubbery. Robbery. Two-bob bobbery
Bibbity-bobbity-boo.
The point is that I don't Not need Him
The point is that...
I do.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Give It Time...

The only reason he's attracted to her is because he doesn't know about her mood swings... yet.

It Won't Happen To Me...

If he died holding a falafel in his hand then I'm never ever touching one.

A Question For Doctors/Psychics/Chiropractors etc...

Why can't you do it for free like Jesus did?

Too Bad...

If my Hubby doesn't like the new Me too bad...

He didn't like the old Me much either.

The Big Question...

Can you delay the inevitable?

My Hubby...

My Hubby is Possessive/Aggressive.

Copywrite That. 2006.

Did I Forget To Mention...

I was Miss Nude Samurai Beach 2000.

I Like To Think...

I like to think I'm saving water for people to water their drive-ways with.

Job Interview Quip One...

"Please find enclosed a copy of my C.V....

It has been many years since I've had the need for one."

Company Pledge...

"I promise to remain with your company... at least until I sell my first novel."

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Has-Beens...

Why would I be a Trade-in for a new model?

I'm a better root than I was when I was seventeen. And twenty-five.

I'm better looking.

Better hair. Better clothes.

Just Better.

Men are the ones who should be afraid they will be traded in.

Has-beens.

In My Humble Opinion...

Mike and The Mechanics ruled over Genesis.

I Would Rather...

I would rather break up than have one more fight with You.

Why fuck me if you don't love me?

Why put me throught That?

It's Lucky...

It's lucky I'm an introvert and can amuse Myself.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Mwaaoh....

One Hundred Posts!

Kiss my Proverbial Arse.

Unless You Want A Stalker...

Unless you want a stalker- you shouldn't fuck just anyone.

The Sad Truth...

I've never been gone long enough for Him to miss me.

Meat Me...

A good housewife is little more than a sex-slave.

I should know.

Meat Me.

Burnt Chop Syndrome...

You'll be pleased to hear that I have recovered from Burnt Chop Syndrome.

Last night I had four lamb chops cooked just the way I like them.

Not a hint of pink.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

In Theory...

Drug-sniffing dogs should be able to trace the drug-dealers.

It's a theory and I'm sticking to it.

Fifteen Years...

It's been fifteen years since we met.

But to Him I may as well be the one-night-stand who never went away.

Hot Diggity...

Hotdog?

I'd rather hot pussy.

Guilty Your Honour...

All my life I have been guilty of the simplest thing.

An inability to ask for help.

Wood He...

He wouldn't be able to call me fucked if I was sucking him off.

My Motto...

Get busy doing it and stop being a sook.

Words Of Wisdom...

'There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you"

Nelson Mandela 1994.

Cover Your Bases...

Maybe everyone should start leaving out twenty dollars, a full bottle of Scotch and a foily of grass for thieves.

And a tin of petrol perhaps.

Sorry...But...

I'm not apologising for being myself anymore.

Where Are They???

Where are all the winged maggots?

Give A Fuck...

Why am I the only one who wants to fix this?

Why am I the only one who cares enough to try?

You act like you're doing me a favour going to marriage counselling.

If you could be bothered to give a fuck I sure would appreciate it.

Be Thankful For Small Mercies...

I'm glad my Hubby only shits once a day.

0630 on the .

Go Figure...

It's only when I'm stoned that I decide I can be sober.

Go figure.

Pleased To Meet You...

I'm just your average Pub Hottie.

rn_buffoon...

I am a literal fool.

How Does This Work...

My Hubby punishes me for staying at home by not letting me go out.